About seven years ago, I was doing mini sessions for clients at a fancy hotel all day, and since I had the hotel room anyway, I decided to set up a date night with my then husband. I packed all my own sexy lingerie with the idea that he would come up to pick me up for dinner and he could play photographer. He knew absolutely nothing about photography but I kept my lights set up and had the camera all set up so all he’d have to do was point and shoot. I figured it would be a fun way to kick off our date night, and would be SUPER hot. I thought about it all day. He got up to the room, I excitedly showed him my outfits and explained my idea and he said “I’m tired. Lets go eat.” I was absolutely crushed. I was already feeling vulnerable about my post baby body and was trying desperately to feel sexy and desirable. I had put so much time into the outfits I chose-thinking about what he would like, what poses I would show off for him and instead we had . . . pizza.
I have learned a lot about myself since that day, but the most important thing is – you do a boudoir shoot FOR YOU. Your partner may happen to be the lucky recipient of beautiful images IF they appreciate it. I photograph women whose partners never even see their images. They don’t even know they have had photoshoots!
As women, we do this to reconnect with our sexuality, our need to feel desirable, our need to feel like the absolute bombshell that we can’t always be (or don’t WANT to be) in everyday life. But every now and then we need to reconnect to the fiery goddess that we know is there. And she is in everyone.
Since that failed boudoir attempt, I managed to bravely pick myself back up. I have been photographed multiple times, and for different reasons. Each time though, I embrace a little bit more of MY feminine power and sexuality. MINE. Each time I figure out a little bit more about what *I* find sexy. And each time I get a little bit stronger. I have explored cosplay boudoir, frolicked in the woods and in the lake naked (I felt like a nymph), played in a bathtub, sprawled out on a wooden floor, and more. And tomorrow, I’m being photographed again. This time, I’m going to explore a burlesque fantasy of mine, and eventually the rooftop (we will see how warm it is).
I know it’s hard when you don’t feel seen or appreciated by your partner. I feel your pain-I have been there and I remember. And boudoir isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Some of them would prefer pizza. But it is okay to want this for yourself – to want to feel sexy and glamorous, and to DO it for yourself too-multiple times even. <3
Here is a shot from my last session-more to come from tomorrow’s shoot.